Assertively Say, “Stop!” Then Walk Away

August 21, 2018 | Author: Mike Dreiblatt | Views: 262 | Comments: 0

Assertively Say, “Stop!” Then Walk Away  
 
The first thing you have to know is that assertive means strongly and effectively.  This is how I act assertively:
 
I face the bully at a 45° angle:  Do not directly face the bully.  Maintain a distance of 1 ½ to 2 arm’s lengths.  This is a protective stance; it protects your body in case the bully decides to try and hit you.
 
I am calm:  You may be nervous or become quite angry; still, you have to appear calm and in control. 
 
I am aware of my body language:  Stand with your back straight, your head up, your arms down in front or beside you, and your feet at shoulders width to maintain balance.
 
Do Not Do These Things:
 
Do not lean towards the person in a threatening way. 
Do not shift your weight back and forth -- like you are doing a strange dance or like you really need to go to the bathroom, a.k.a. the “I Gotta Pee Dance”.  
Do not fold your arms across your chest.
Do not rest your hands on your hips.
Do not move your hands or head around.
Do not have your hands in your pockets.
Do not point at the bully.
Do not stand like a soldier at attention or stiff as a statue.
 
I make eye contact: Look the bully in the eye and say, “Stop,” or “Cut it out!” which should only take about 1 or 2 seconds.  If looking in the eye of the bully is too difficult, make eye contact with an area very close to the eyes, such as eyebrows or nose.
 
Do Not Do These Things:
 
Do not stare, glare, attempt to intimidate or make the bully uncomfortable with too much eye contact -- 3-4 seconds at one time would be considered too long.
Do not look at the ceiling or something in the distance.
Do not look at your shoes or the floor.
Do not move your eyes too much.
Do not roll your eyes.
 
I am aware of my tone of voice: Use a steady tone and speak clearly.  Speak in a lower tone and loudly enough for the bully to hear you.  You can also choose to speak loudly enough to get the attention of a nearby adult.  
 
Do Not Do These Things:
 
Do not scream. 
Do not talk too softly.
Do not speak too fast.
Do not mumble or whine. 
I tell the bully to “Stop!”: Make short statements that are to the point, such as, “Stop!” or “Cut it out!” or “Leave me alone,” or “I will not do that.” 
 
Do Not Do These Things:
 
Do not explain the consequences of bullying.
Do not quote passages from the school bullying policy.
Do not insult or threaten the bully. 
Do not say something sarcastic (the opposite of what you really mean). 
 
Remember, it is important to do all these things; stay calm, use strong body language, make good eye contact, have a clear tone of voice and keep your words short and to the point.  It’s important to do all these things as the same time or the bully might be tempted to continue.
 
After telling the bully to “Cut it out!” turn and walk away.  Or, if you are not in a place where you can walk away, at least turn away.
 
ALWAYS REMEMBER: If you are in a dangerous situation, you might have to run away.  If you decide to run, run to a trusted adult or other people and clearly explain the situation
 
Excerpt from: The Wallop Story

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